I'll stand by You

When you lived in your car, I stood by you. When your past came back to haunt you, I bailed you out. I stood by you. When your kids needed new shoes, new clothes, I stood by you.

I cried, I hated myself. I let my depression take a hold of me. I cut myself to let the pain out. And you left me.

Breakign up is hard to dooooooo

So my ex (boyfreind) not ex husband. Is coming this Sunday to pack up the rest of his things to move out. It feels so....final I guess. It's going to be my first time in nearly 10 years actually being single. It all at once, makes me feel sad, strong, depressed and FINAL. All I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and crying it out but I think I'm out of tears.

It's been a long time

When I last posted I was 32, in the middle of a divorce and medicated like a zombie. The only things that have changed is I'm 34 with a few more wrinkles and worries and I'm divorced.

My whole life I've been ashamed of my depression. Scared of my outbursts and self inflicted pain.

Constantly wondering what is wrong with me. I still ask that question. Why does the sting of the razor feel so good. Why does only pain help misdirect the pain I feel everywhere else.

I wake up most mornings disappointed that I woke up. I just want to feel normal.