Teenage Suicide..Don't do it

For me suicide has never been a matter of it but when. I don't know why I think this way. I've tried to kill myself more than once, OD's mostly and it never works. I'm 34 now and I now for a fact I'll never make it to 40. Now, no, this is not a cry for help. I'm not sitting here with a gun in hand. I just know I'm not one of those people who's meant to be around that long. I really have nothing to give. I have maybe one real friend. If I did want to kill myself I'd have no one to call and say "come over I need you now". No kids, no love. Honestly the only thing that keeps me alive is my dog. If I'm gone, who would take care of her?

All of this hurt, all of it, over a heartbreak that I can't get over. I can't stand to be alone but I lock myself in. Why am I unloveable?