Learning to be alone

I often wonder what makes it so hard for me to just be alone. Why do I constantly seek out the attention of men to keep my company. Whether for one night, a month, a year. I realize I haven't really been single for more than ten years. I'm a serial monogamer. I don't even think that's a word but for now let's pretend it is.

I started with E, he was project #1. Broke, pot smoker but gorgeous. I tried for 2 years to fix him to make him what I wanted. That ended in fireworks. Literally it was the fourth of July and I left. Driving to my parents house with the city fireworks behind me

About a month later I met J. Project #2 13 years my senior. Maturity level of a college student, yet a genius. Also an alcoholic. I later moved on to marry J. This again lasted in a disastrous nearly 4 year divorce proceedings.

Through those four years was C. The real love of my life. Homeless, living in his car, 2 kids, a bitch of an ex wife, no drive and from what I've learned recently a pathological liar as well. Yet I loved him the most. I cry myself to sleep every night over him and wake up crying every morning that he's been gone.

Why? No seriously why? Why do I take on project men? I never really thought of myself as a project sort of girl. Are any guys out there not projects or can I just not accept the man for who they really are?